What Wouldn't Jesus Do?

Ahhh the WWJD movement, who would have thought that it would eventually crack the Devito Code of Jesus jokes? Honestly, I had hoped this so-called movement would move beyond the realm of a catchy cliche pinned to the lapels of todays despondent youth. I didn't come up with this phrase but I doubt the person who did wanted it to be a simple slogan, or another automatic catch phrase thrown around by uninspired conversationalists. Some people say "WWJD" as if they are making a point about some topic, but it's not a point, it's a question. And it's not a rhetorical question, though it may be a bit hypothetical.

So Jesus is two thousand years gone and we can ask ourselves what he would do if he were here today, but why? He's not here today, and who really knows what he would do in any given situation? It's all speculation, how should we know what Jesus would do? Well, Jesus actually had a lot to say on the subject and he left us plenty of clues. In fact, if you read over his statements, analogies, and instructions to his followers, you start to think that he intended to be a reference point on the moral spectrum well into the future. Like a true guru he generalized all of his statements so that they may live on beyond any current issues of his day and continue to be applicable in a wide variety of scenarios.

I can hear the Christians ring out in chorus "Duuuuhhhh! Of course he meant to be world famous for thousands of years, he's god!" Really? Then why are Christians not leading the WWJD movement and pushing it to reach it's full potential? Why is it secular and atheist youth who have embraced this concept and brought it to world wide prominence? And most importantly, why don't most (if not all) Christians follow the instructions that Jesus left behind? How is it that Christians in America predominantly lean right and vote Republican, the official party of the rich? How can any person with basic critical thinking skills read the words of Jesus saying "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven." ...then turn around and say, "Jesus wants me to be rich."

The WWJD movement should be the solution that dissolves the institutions of religion who have captured the image of Jesus and milked him for personal and political gain. It's hard to believe that the Catholic church isn't already a dried vine, the church and it's current pope are synonymous with child molestation, and homosexual child molestation at that! Maybe we should be asking the question, Who Would Jesus Molest? How can Christians support war? Oppose immigration? Rail against social welfare? And still go to church with a straight face? Lucky for Israel Jews are immune to the WWJD solution, their god has always supported war and cruelty to their neighbors, in fact he encourages it.

So I'm taking this opportunity to start a brand new movement completely original and distinct from other movements. It's called WWJD? or What Wouldn't Jesus Do? Not to be confused with the other WWJD movement, those guys are slackers of the worst kind. My movement will ask questions like "Who wouldn't Jesus Bomb?" and "Who wouldn't Jesus Deport?", "What wouldn't Jesus Do to his fellow man to fill his greedy coffers?", "What Anti-Gay Politician Wouldn't Jesus Vote For?" ...You get the pointlessness. It really doesn't matter what Jesus would do, it matters what we do. If you have a friend or relative who thinks Jesus is just alright, ask them what Jesus would or wouldn't do around these hot button issues of our day. And let them know it's not a rhetorical question, they will be quizzed on Judgement day.